Abandon
by twilightrocks100
Summary: Ryuichi watches Shuichi longing for something he cannot have. Please R&R but NO FLAMES they make steam come out of my ears. One-shot


Ryuichi if 33 and Shuichi is 16

Ryuichi sighs sadly as he watches from the window of the recording studio of "Bad Luck". He watches not even knowing that three hours go by just watching Shuichi sing, longing for something he could never have or even tell anyone what he wants. For it was a secret an important one.

Soon the door slams open and out rushes Shuichi. But when he sees me I notices with happiness that he's eyes lighten up when he sees. Making me wonder how he would feel if he knew what I did. The pain and lies I had webbed into us, and our 'friendship'. That he'll never be my friend no matter how I act for he is so much more to me than just a friend.

"Sakuma-sama" I couldn't help the deep pain inside of me every time he called me that. Didn't he know I wanted him to call me Ryuichi at least? I look up and fake my emotions and pull up the mask that I Have to wear around Shuichi. Just to save him the pain of the truth.

"Hey Shu-chan, what have I said! Call me Ryu or Ryuichi!" I exclaim childish and hyper flaring my arms all over as I scream it, making a tantrum out of it.

He blushes as he looks at me and just does the nod he does every time. I tell him to call me Ryuichi or Ryu. But I accept so not to lead onto what I really feel and the pain of the name Sakuma-sama on has my heart. So in my high pitched voice I shout "Let's go plan!" hoping we could bond even with me wearing my mask.

He looks at me in shock then his face falls "Sorry, but I have a date with Yuki." Looking at his watches he jumps out and runs out shouting over his shoulder he's sorry and maybe they could hang out next and then he throws in that NAME again that makes me want to cry.

As I watch him running away to go on date I have to fight the instincts I have, but have no right to have for Shuichi. Not after what I have done. "It's hard isn't it to fight the need to beat up Eiri? Ryuichi, do you ever plan to tell him, he may not react badly?" I look up to the person standing next to me, and then out to the doors again "That's what's I am afraid of happening. Through he would never tell or show he would be hurt and you and I both know it."

The man besides me sighs in agreement. "I have to pull this off as only his friend, for that is even more than I deserve." I start walking out with my hands in my pocket. Then he said something that gets me to thinking "You may have planted me in life by using my father and I do not regret it but, I think someday at least you should tell him."

I know he's right but I just can't. So I just keep walking away without turning around. But as I walk out of NG's doors I look to the sky and just wish that something would happen so I would have to follow Hiiro Nakano's advice and tell Shuichi Shindou that I am his real father.

I had him when I was 17 and then the girl dump him on me and left me. Very few know about him for I got rid of him. I wish I could say it was for a good reason like I wanted to protect him from my fame and the pressures he would have because of it. Or that he was in danger of my fans or even that he wouldn't have a normal childhood. Or that Tohma had talked me into it. But the truth is it was for a selfish reason only.

I wanted my fame to grow even more and continue singing and getting better and more famous then I was. I didn't want to be tied down with a child, and have to be a father to him and watch him, get up with him, and change him so I left him at a hospital.

I told myself a lie over and over, that Tohma wanted me to do it when in truth he tried so hard to talk me out of it, and I know he was disappointed when I did abandon my son. It was only when I was 29 and Shuichi was 13 did I look for him and find him. I found him in a loving family. But I knew I could not just leave again like I had before. So I talked to a friend and he agreed to talk to his son who was 13 as well and have him keep tabs on Shuichi and so I learned a lot about, my baby boy.

Nobody but Hiiro and his father even known I looked for my son and found him and kept tabs on him. Then I realized that my little boy was just like me. Then he fell in love with Eiri Yuki who I knew personal and did not like. But I knew I could nothing and that Shuichi really did loved Eiri and I know he loves Shuichi back. I mean Shuichi lived with him at 16 and with his parents' permission.

I then start walking away and going to the studio where I first met my little boy face to face. As I sit in the studio crying and looking at the stage I know tomorrow will so different because I will finally tell Shuichi the truth about who he is and hope everything will work out for us.


End file.
